Journal- Aug 3 Greyhound to Toronto

I sit on a rickety bus, next to a group of noisy people, like holy fuck use your inside voice bitch, i don't care who's fucking who. I am sure no one else on the Bus cares either. To make matters worse i am listening to a MP3 player and can still hear you over my music, if not better. You just need to shut the fuck up already, I can see it's gonna be a long fucking trip already.

Well anyways anyone who knows me personally is aware that i recently spent some time back home. A small town by the name of Renfrew, Ontario. I forgot how much i really miss it, to be honest i love the place. I wish i could have stayed. but seemingly it just is not in the cards yet, Although there was something added to the equation, almost like a sixth sense. Have you ever had a gut feeling that you need to do something or have to be somewhere. That was the reason I came back, it was a feeling that I was unable to suppress as much as I wanted to lose the feeling, I couldn't shake it. Which does lead me to believe that some parts of life are destined to be. Maybe this is important to my future, a turning point in a rather meek existence perhaps.?

Awakening

Over the course of the last week I have hit the some lowest points of depression, lacking hope, not caring, not bad enough to end it though. I was at the point where i was anti-social and didn't care to even go out and try to have some sembalance of life. Then quite by mistake i found a web page that sparked a little interest and thought what the hell let's see what it says, the site www.numerologist.com The scary part was that it was so exact with personalities that fit me all too well for a coincidence, and it was a little unnerving. Almost as if i had awoken from a strange dream and started feeling emotions that i have not had in some time. Although it wasn't till tonight that i have felt so much better, I got am IM from a good friend that just listened or should i say she read what i was thinking and helped me through it just by asking more questions, as I enjoy writing short stories and poetry as anyone that happens along this page will discover. I feel as though everything is renew and i am looking at the world for the first time. I see beauty where i didn't see it before.To any of the friends I have or friends I had, I Apologize to you all. I know I haven't been the kind of friend that I should have been for that i am sorry and it isn't an excuse for the way that i have been acting as of late. The good that is coming now is I am starting on the road to a better life.

To everyone I hope you don't take to much for granted, you could wake up and it might be gone. Just keep in mind you probably have it better than you think you just never stopped to look at all the things and people in you life that can never be replaced or replicated. Count yourself blessed even if you can only name one. That one person or thing in your life is what really matters along with your family all you have to do is Keep The Faith. (I am aware that I just quoted Bon Jovi) but it is true. Some have to learn the hard way and it is a long dark and cold road. I think i will come off of it a better person. I just have to keep my footing on the way down the last hill.


To Marie, the friend I spoke of, thank you for being there to help me get to the top of that hill, I can never thank you enough you've helped me in more ways than one but if you have read this then I guess you already realize that.

Random Rant- The first of many

Lately, I have found that a lot of things really piss me off, especially when I am not working. I know I am a little more irritable but hell it might make for some good reading for someone. People ask you if you are going to do something like a craft sale or something along the lines get together what ever it may be, and they bug and bug about it, when you do put it all together they don't even show up to it, "What the fuck?". You people bugged for this and now you can't even bother to get your lazy ass off the couch and exit your meager little life to show up. After bugging the shit out of a person. Assholes, and you will be the first to start next year too, I know this, and next year your not invited. Is it so hard to do as you say you will do, it's not like you have to buy something, just show up like you said you would, oh but sorry that is just too much to ask seeing how it was you people that wanted this put together. Get bent you inconsiderate pricks, if you are going say you're going to come, then drag your ass over or shut the hell up and don't ask. And all this B.S has nothing to do with me but someone I care about trying to make an extra few bucks for Christmas.

Thanks for coming out

In Dreams

He looked into her eyes, they sparkle to life as she notices. Smiling back he slowly makes his way through the room, saying his greetings and hellos to the other patrons in the crowded little pub. He smiles as he walks into her embrace, his arms lightly around her waist as he pulls her close burying his face in her neck. Pulling away every so slightly so he can look into her dark eyes.

Lightly he kisses her lips just to say hello, she blushes ever so slightly and running her fingers through his curly long hair smiling all the while.
The love shows clearly in her expression.
She brings him to her table to introduce him to her friends, they have heard all about him

They take to him quite easily, seeing the passion between the two young lovers.
Just the way they look at each other, his arm lightly around her with his hand on her shoulder sitting at the table, giving her shoulder a slight squeeze every little while to see her smile and the spark within her eyes as she looks at him, her hand is on his knee her thumb lightly caressing his thigh. So close they sat enjoying the warmth between their bodies.

He looks into her eyes as he leans closer to her his cheek caressing hers pulling away their lips touch he kisses her deeply his right hand slide along her neck just under her ear thumbs caress the sides of her face as he holds the kiss wanting it to last for eternity.

Their hearts beat faster
looking into the others eyes
smiles reflect inner passion

Desire clutches them
boiling the blood
sweaty palms, so nervous

Each time their eyes meet
sparks light the air
bashful behavior ensues

Lips touch, desire rises
hand in hand an electric current
embracing their passion

Fingers interlock
in the heat of lust
leading to the carnal

Bodies intertwined
sweet pheromones fill the air
contented embrace

Again I sit in the nook I call my own, watching the people passing by the cars with their booming music, the thing that bothers me is the rudeness, I see it get worse day by day. People seem to thrive on hate more than anything , everywhere I go I see hate. The world is changing for better or worse I am not sure, but I would not call it evolution.

People have lost their passion there is but few left that want to make a difference and that becomes a passion in itself, I might sound naive in writing this but get what you get from it I am only writing what I see in the world nowadays. People don't care about one another anymore, but I guess this is just history repeated, the destination is ever the same as long as hate exists, we keep on a circular path, the road stays connected at both ends.

My question is why hate, by no means am I all about love and happiness, sometimes you meet people you just don't care for but why make a big deal out of it, ignore them, they have the same right to be in a place in time, so why fight and be an ass about it, just because they are there doesn't mean you have to an asshole about it, you don't have to talk to the person just stick with the people you came with or met up with. Why go to great lengths to prove you are cool as it is called, what is cool anymore what celebs do or wear, give me a break sure fashion I respect that but every person is different and that is what makes that person tick, they are unique that is the best party of being, to have your choices if you don't like it don't look.

That is the truth as I see it, why please the world when you can make yourself happy much easier. Why go to the great lengths, what is it about being popular that is such a great thing if you never had it how can you miss it and why is it desired so much by so many?.........

Another Visit to Boredom

Mark walks alone as always down a quiet street, thinking of the past weeks trying to stay hidden, away from the police. They were searching for him in relation to the sunny days halfway house homicide. A few cars come rolling down the street full of kids they yell at him while he is driving down the road, " Fucking Faggit" he turns and yells back "fuck You" while giving the finger. Mark then hears a voice as the car rounds the corner "Oh that showed them, I bet they are worried, hahahaha" it was the voice the grating angry voice. Mark looked all around wondering where it came from, nothing anywhere he just shook his head and disregarded it, as he came around the corner, he saw the car that held the kids that yelled at him.

The voice prodded him "there they are get your payback, let them all know what they started". Mark had an evil grin run across his face, sadistic to be honest. One of them said "hey look the fag", he sat in the front passenger side, he was wearing a jersey of some kind blonde spiked hair, While walking by almost at the window, Mark made a sudden dash and grabbed the back of the kids head and slammed his face against the dash board repeatedly. Then laughed out loud and told him that he should wear his seat belt. Mark was not satisfied by this, the other kids coming out of the house running at Mark as he hauled the kid out of the car, he turned in time to get a fist in the nose. Blood ran freely down his face and only made him madder, he wiped his face while getting up from the ground, looking at the blood on his hand he was laughing maniacally.

Seeming to enjoy what happened, he reached out suddenly and caught the long haired punk who hit him and quickly snapped his neck and let him fall to the ground, running forward and slamming the other with his forearm, knocking him against the car. A few more elbows dropped him to the ground, and then he started to bash his face with his knee, he would not stop even upon hearing the sound of breaking bone and the sickening sound of his knee slamming into the now dead kid's face, until he heard the other pleading for his life and trying to crawl away, blood covering his swollen face he was beside the car, begging mark to stop, Mark smiled at him, " see how dangerous a FUCKING FAGGIT IS" just before he kicked his head into the open car door and slamming it shut with all his strength hearing the sickening snap and pop of the neck and spinal cord. All he could hear was sirens someone seen it all and called the cops, he looked at the ground around him and seen all the blood and the three bodies. He turned and ran taking all the twists and turns he could find. Finally, he could no longer hear the sirens behind him anymore and he had made his way just a few blocks away from the sanctuary that was his fire ravaged shack.

Chapter 2-Old Dusty Story

During my last house bash, I sensed another Vampire within the mix and confusion of the evening's events, but not just any vampire, I knew this when I heard her voice, This was the one who made me who I am, what I am now. Her name was Tracy, She was very beautiful, absolutely exquisite, porcelain features, a soft rasp to her voice, "you have done well for yourself Bard". "I remember your voice, what do you want, you left me, created me then left". "I did it for you" replied Tracy, "to learn this life alone, and be happy that you are here now"?. "Fair enough" she said.
It is almost dawn you can stay here in my coffin tonight only. She slept close to me this night, playing with my hair, twirling it in her fingers, my lips rested on her forehead.

I arose just after dusk, Tracy was gone already, I had just finished getting washed up, when I heard her voice "where are you Bard?", I walked around the corner and she was dressed in an extravagant gown and held a suit for me. "Get dressed" she said "I want to show you something". Before we left we embraced and tasted each other, the blood flowed between us like an electric current, all the ecstasy of sex the heat the passion, exploded through our veins, although a short time. It felt like an eternity that we stood there together lock in a life of complete ecstasy. What I have just explained is like sex to us vampires, we are unable to procreate. The suit she obtained for me was a royal blue Brooks Brothers double breasted suit, a very classy looking one at that, she has good taste. She took me to a Shakespearian theatre, to see Hamlet, one I have enjoyed many times over, although I didn't tell her that I had, she thought I would enjoy it. Tracy was right, as I do love that play in particular.

Oh my, how rude of me, I suppose you would like to know what I look like, I apologize I lose myself when I get writing. My hair is shoulder length with massive curls that lightly caress my face, eyes that range from light brown to dark brown and a hint of violet. A strong jaw, with a smile which is a little more than mischievous all this rests on an average frame of 5'7. That gives you something to work with, and leaves the rest to the imagination, after all I do not wish to be sought or found for that matter.
I have spent the last 200 years of my life traveling the world, Notre Dame roaming the bell towers that the legendary hunchback once called his home, from there I went to white chapel England stalking the streets that Jack the Ripper had killed his victims on. Egypt walking in the tombs of the ancient Kings and Queens. The world was all within my hands to take all the time I wanted to see it, after all, I do not have a time constraint, not like I am going anywhere. For a time I lived in Drumnadrochit, Scotland in hopes to see if the myth of the Loch Ness monster were true, unfortunately I did not get the answers I was seeking.

Being a vampire is beyond anything I have ever imagined, never having to grow old, living forever, getting stronger as the years pass, being able to do anything and having the time to learn whatever you want to learn. Well on to better things I guess this was my fate, ever since I was a young mortal, in a way people feared me, for being different, that is a harsh way to look at things, but in a way it is true, mortals fear what the do not understand. So I will now indulge you in my mortal years.

A old dusty story

It happened in my twentieth year, I was strolling on the board walk in California, breathing in the fresh air of the ocean.
I sensed a very powerful being all of a sudden, I felt someone or somethinghad a hold of me, something with ungodly power. A sharp pain exploded from my neck, my limbs started to weaken as my knees buckled from a lack of power.

My eyes were closing I could not keep them open, I was so weak, drained of my life force. To the point of death, when a soft female voice asked me, " Live forever or die now, do you want to live forever" I didn't have much of a choice, you are reading my words now so my choice is quite obvious. I am alive in a manner of speaking. I have been around since the year 1980 the year of my mortal birth, I was reborn in the winter of 1999 just before the millennium. After my rebirth I have never heard the voice that made me into the monster that I am now. I have not spoken or been close to any other vampires. I don't need blood as bad as other fledglings as my creator was a powerful vampire to begin with, but I do hunt every night, I do it for the hell of it, to look more human and my powers are extended to a higher level for the time being. To feel a pathetic mortal squeezed against me, struggling to get free, hearing the heartbeat growing more rapid, as fear sets in more and more. As the mood strikes me I kill more for fun than anything else, like mortals with animals, it is sport for me, I love the fear they exude.

I had kept in contact with my family, I told them I was in trouble and had to hide, that I would not want them to worry, as I would be okay. I think my brother William knew what had befallen me, or suspected something, as my writing had changed completely, it went from horrible to perfect, it was like someone else penned it for me, he never questioned me. Not even the wealth that I had come into which I had taken and acquired from my victims. I had a flat within the city of Anaheim, where I would throw open house parties that started in the late evening lasting till the last hour before dawn.