Shadow Watcher

Journal- Aug 3 Greyhound to Toronto

2007-08-04T14:07:00.000-07:00

I sit on a rickety bus, next to a group of noisy people, like holy fuck use your inside voice bitch, i don't care who's fucking who. I am sure no one else on the Bus cares either. To make matters worse i am listening to a MP3 player and can still hear you over my music, if not better. You just need to shut the fuck up already, I can see it's gonna be a long fucking trip already.

Well anyways anyone who knows me personally is aware that i recently spent some time back home. A small town by the name of Renfrew, Ontario. I forgot how much i really miss it, to be honest i love the place. I wish i could have stayed. but seemingly it just is not in the cards yet, Although there was something added to the equation, almost like a sixth sense. Have you ever had a gut feeling that you need to do something or have to be somewhere. That was the reason I came back, it was a feeling that I was unable to suppress as much as I wanted to lose the feeling, I couldn't shake it. Which does lead me to believe that some parts of life are destined to be. Maybe this is important to my future, a turning point in a rather meek existence perhaps.?

Awakening

2006-12-03T19:01:00.000-08:00

Over the course of the last week I have hit the some lowest points of depression, lacking hope, not caring, not bad enough to end it though. I was at the point where i was anti-social and didn't care to even go out and try to have some sembalance of life. Then quite by mistake i found a web page that sparked a little interest and thought what the hell let's see what it says, the site www.numerologist.com The scary part was that it was so exact with personalities that fit me all too well for a coincidence, and it was a little unnerving. Almost as if i had awoken from a strange dream and started feeling emotions that i have not had in some time. Although it wasn't till tonight that i have felt so much better, I got am IM from a good friend that just listened or should i say she read what i was thinking and helped me through it just by asking more questions, as I enjoy writing short stories and poetry as anyone that happens along this page will discover. I feel as though everything is renew and i am looking at the world for the first time. I see beauty where i didn't see it before.To any of the friends I have or friends I had, I Apologize to you all. I know I haven't been the kind of friend that I should have been for that i am sorry and it isn't an excuse for the way that i have been acting as of late. The good that is coming now is I am starting on the road to a better life.

To everyone I hope you don't take to much for granted, you could wake up and it might be gone. Just keep in mind you probably have it better than you think you just never stopped to look at all the things and people in you life that can never be replaced or replicated. Count yourself blessed even if you can only name one. That one person or thing in your life is what really matters along with your family all you have to do is Keep The Faith. (I am aware that I just quoted Bon Jovi) but it is true. Some have to learn the hard way and it is a long dark and cold road. I think i will come off of it a better person. I just have to keep my footing on the way down the last hill.

To Marie, the friend I spoke of, thank you for being there to help me get to the top of that hill, I can never thank you enough you've helped me in more ways than one but if you have read this then I guess you already realize that.

Random Rant- The first of many

2006-12-03T14:47:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have found that a lot of things really piss me off, especially when I am not working. I know I am a little more irritable but hell it might make for some good reading for someone. People ask you if you are going to do something like a craft sale or something along the lines get together what ever it may be, and they bug and bug about it, when you do put it all together they don't even show up to it, "What the fuck?". You people bugged for this and now you can't even bother to get your lazy ass off the couch and exit your meager little life to show up. After bugging the shit out of a person. Assholes, and you will be the first to start next year too, I know this, and next year your not invited. Is it so hard to do as you say you will do, it's not like you have to buy something, just show up like you said you would, oh but sorry that is just too much to ask seeing how it was you people that wanted this put together. Get bent you inconsiderate pricks, if you are going say you're going to come, then drag your ass over or shut the hell up and don't ask. And all this B.S has nothing to do with me but someone I care about trying to make an extra few bucks for Christmas.

Thanks for coming out

In Dreams

2004-12-31T10:25:00.000-08:00

He looked into her eyes, they sparkle to life as she notices. Smiling back he slowly makes his way through the room, saying his greetings and hellos to the other patrons in the crowded little pub. He smiles as he walks into her embrace, his arms lightly around her waist as he pulls her close burying his face in her neck. Pulling away every so slightly so he can look into her dark eyes.

Lightly he kisses her lips just to say hello, she blushes ever so slightly and running her fingers through his curly long hair smiling all the while.
The love shows clearly in her expression.
She brings him to her table to introduce him to her friends, they have heard all about him

They take to him quite easily, seeing the passion between the two young lovers.
Just the way they look at each other, his arm lightly around her with his hand on her shoulder sitting at the table, giving her shoulder a slight squeeze every little while to see her smile and the spark within her eyes as she looks at him, her hand is on his knee her thumb lightly caressing his thigh. So close they sat enjoying the warmth between their bodies.

He looks into her eyes as he leans closer to her his cheek caressing hers pulling away their lips touch he kisses her deeply his right hand slide along her neck just under her ear thumbs caress the sides of her face as he holds the kiss wanting it to last for eternity.

Their hearts beat faster
looking into the others eyes
smiles reflect inner passion

Desire clutches them
boiling the blood
sweaty palms, so nervous

Each time their eyes meet
sparks light the air
bashful behavior ensues

Lips touch, desire rises
hand in hand an electric current
embracing their passion

Fingers interlock
in the heat of lust
leading to the carnal

Bodies intertwined
sweet pheromones fill the air
contented embrace

2004-10-08T21:57:00.000-07:00

Again I sit in the nook I call my own, watching the people passing by the cars with their booming music, the thing that bothers me is the rudeness, I see it get worse day by day. People seem to thrive on hate more than anything , everywhere I go I see hate. The world is changing for better or worse I am not sure, but I would not call it evolution.

People have lost their passion there is but few left that want to make a difference and that becomes a passion in itself, I might sound naive in writing this but get what you get from it I am only writing what I see in the world nowadays. People don't care about one another anymore, but I guess this is just history repeated, the destination is ever the same as long as hate exists, we keep on a circular path, the road stays connected at both ends.

My question is why hate, by no means am I all about love and happiness, sometimes you meet people you just don't care for but why make a big deal out of it, ignore them, they have the same right to be in a place in time, so why fight and be an ass about it, just because they are there doesn't mean you have to an asshole about it, you don't have to talk to the person just stick with the people you came with or met up with. Why go to great lengths to prove you are cool as it is called, what is cool anymore what celebs do or wear, give me a break sure fashion I respect that but every person is different and that is what makes that person tick, they are unique that is the best party of being, to have your choices if you don't like it don't look.

That is the truth as I see it, why please the world when you can make yourself happy much easier. Why go to the great lengths, what is it about being popular that is such a great thing if you never had it how can you miss it and why is it desired so much by so many?.........

Another Visit to Boredom

2004-09-19T01:28:00.000-07:00

Mark walks alone as always down a quiet street, thinking of the past weeks trying to stay hidden, away from the police. They were searching for him in relation to the sunny days halfway house homicide. A few cars come rolling down the street full of kids they yell at him while he is driving down the road, " Fucking Faggit" he turns and yells back "fuck You" while giving the finger. Mark then hears a voice as the car rounds the corner "Oh that showed them, I bet they are worried, hahahaha" it was the voice the grating angry voice. Mark looked all around wondering where it came from, nothing anywhere he just shook his head and disregarded it, as he came around the corner, he saw the car that held the kids that yelled at him.

The voice prodded him "there they are get your payback, let them all know what they started". Mark had an evil grin run across his face, sadistic to be honest. One of them said "hey look the fag", he sat in the front passenger side, he was wearing a jersey of some kind blonde spiked hair, While walking by almost at the window, Mark made a sudden dash and grabbed the back of the kids head and slammed his face against the dash board repeatedly. Then laughed out loud and told him that he should wear his seat belt. Mark was not satisfied by this, the other kids coming out of the house running at Mark as he hauled the kid out of the car, he turned in time to get a fist in the nose. Blood ran freely down his face and only made him madder, he wiped his face while getting up from the ground, looking at the blood on his hand he was laughing maniacally.

Seeming to enjoy what happened, he reached out suddenly and caught the long haired punk who hit him and quickly snapped his neck and let him fall to the ground, running forward and slamming the other with his forearm, knocking him against the car. A few more elbows dropped him to the ground, and then he started to bash his face with his knee, he would not stop even upon hearing the sound of breaking bone and the sickening sound of his knee slamming into the now dead kid's face, until he heard the other pleading for his life and trying to crawl away, blood covering his swollen face he was beside the car, begging mark to stop, Mark smiled at him, " see how dangerous a FUCKING FAGGIT IS" just before he kicked his head into the open car door and slamming it shut with all his strength hearing the sickening snap and pop of the neck and spinal cord. All he could hear was sirens someone seen it all and called the cops, he looked at the ground around him and seen all the blood and the three bodies. He turned and ran taking all the twists and turns he could find. Finally, he could no longer hear the sirens behind him anymore and he had made his way just a few blocks away from the sanctuary that was his fire ravaged shack.

Chapter 2-Old Dusty Story

2004-07-01T13:36:00.000-07:00

During my last house bash, I sensed another Vampire within the mix and confusion of the evening's events, but not just any vampire, I knew this when I heard her voice, This was the one who made me who I am, what I am now. Her name was Tracy, She was very beautiful, absolutely exquisite, porcelain features, a soft rasp to her voice, "you have done well for yourself Bard". "I remember your voice, what do you want, you left me, created me then left". "I did it for you" replied Tracy, "to learn this life alone, and be happy that you are here now"?. "Fair enough" she said.
It is almost dawn you can stay here in my coffin tonight only. She slept close to me this night, playing with my hair, twirling it in her fingers, my lips rested on her forehead.

I arose just after dusk, Tracy was gone already, I had just finished getting washed up, when I heard her voice "where are you Bard?", I walked around the corner and she was dressed in an extravagant gown and held a suit for me. "Get dressed" she said "I want to show you something". Before we left we embraced and tasted each other, the blood flowed between us like an electric current, all the ecstasy of sex the heat the passion, exploded through our veins, although a short time. It felt like an eternity that we stood there together lock in a life of complete ecstasy. What I have just explained is like sex to us vampires, we are unable to procreate. The suit she obtained for me was a royal blue Brooks Brothers double breasted suit, a very classy looking one at that, she has good taste. She took me to a Shakespearian theatre, to see Hamlet, one I have enjoyed many times over, although I didn't tell her that I had, she thought I would enjoy it. Tracy was right, as I do love that play in particular.

Oh my, how rude of me, I suppose you would like to know what I look like, I apologize I lose myself when I get writing. My hair is shoulder length with massive curls that lightly caress my face, eyes that range from light brown to dark brown and a hint of violet. A strong jaw, with a smile which is a little more than mischievous all this rests on an average frame of 5'7. That gives you something to work with, and leaves the rest to the imagination, after all I do not wish to be sought or found for that matter.
I have spent the last 200 years of my life traveling the world, Notre Dame roaming the bell towers that the legendary hunchback once called his home, from there I went to white chapel England stalking the streets that Jack the Ripper had killed his victims on. Egypt walking in the tombs of the ancient Kings and Queens. The world was all within my hands to take all the time I wanted to see it, after all, I do not have a time constraint, not like I am going anywhere. For a time I lived in Drumnadrochit, Scotland in hopes to see if the myth of the Loch Ness monster were true, unfortunately I did not get the answers I was seeking.

Being a vampire is beyond anything I have ever imagined, never having to grow old, living forever, getting stronger as the years pass, being able to do anything and having the time to learn whatever you want to learn. Well on to better things I guess this was my fate, ever since I was a young mortal, in a way people feared me, for being different, that is a harsh way to look at things, but in a way it is true, mortals fear what the do not understand. So I will now indulge you in my mortal years.

A old dusty story

2004-06-22T14:01:00.000-07:00

It happened in my twentieth year, I was strolling on the board walk in California, breathing in the fresh air of the ocean.
I sensed a very powerful being all of a sudden, I felt someone or somethinghad a hold of me, something with ungodly power. A sharp pain exploded from my neck, my limbs started to weaken as my knees buckled from a lack of power.

My eyes were closing I could not keep them open, I was so weak, drained of my life force. To the point of death, when a soft female voice asked me, " Live forever or die now, do you want to live forever" I didn't have much of a choice, you are reading my words now so my choice is quite obvious. I am alive in a manner of speaking. I have been around since the year 1980 the year of my mortal birth, I was reborn in the winter of 1999 just before the millennium. After my rebirth I have never heard the voice that made me into the monster that I am now. I have not spoken or been close to any other vampires. I don't need blood as bad as other fledglings as my creator was a powerful vampire to begin with, but I do hunt every night, I do it for the hell of it, to look more human and my powers are extended to a higher level for the time being. To feel a pathetic mortal squeezed against me, struggling to get free, hearing the heartbeat growing more rapid, as fear sets in more and more. As the mood strikes me I kill more for fun than anything else, like mortals with animals, it is sport for me, I love the fear they exude.

I had kept in contact with my family, I told them I was in trouble and had to hide, that I would not want them to worry, as I would be okay. I think my brother William knew what had befallen me, or suspected something, as my writing had changed completely, it went from horrible to perfect, it was like someone else penned it for me, he never questioned me. Not even the wealth that I had come into which I had taken and acquired from my victims. I had a flat within the city of Anaheim, where I would throw open house parties that started in the late evening lasting till the last hour before dawn.

Boredom continues for another chapter

2004-06-04T13:54:00.000-07:00

In the small suburb that was once quiet and peaceful, is now alive with police and the media. The police are going door to door trying to get all of the information that they can. After forensics came up with nothing in the house or on any of the murder weapons. The prints were different then that on the Baseball bat that the suspected killer had used. They were tired and frustrated they had nothing to go on, the prints were unknown, the only other suspect has not been seen or heard from by anyone.

An old man in his late sixties wearing an old dingy house coat and leather slippers, his hair is tussled and he is unshaven, was standing out side the barricade that now surrounded the Sunny Days halfway house. Desperately trying to get the attention of an officer, finally he did get the attention of one. The old man told him that he has seen some of the murders take place, this must be the anonymous tipster that called it in. They brought him in to the investigator, Kaylan Stewart was his name. A middle aged Englishman, who smoked a lot, always was there a cigarette in his hand, if only for the sake of holding it. The old man was sitting rather nervous when the Detective walked in and took the seat across the table from him,He introduced himself, I am detective Stewart, The old man replied, my name is Arthur Collins, "Would you like something to drink Mr Collins". Kaylan asked "please call me Arthur" came the old man's response. He was then asked what he saw, the old man then told him he did not see a face he just seen how a few of the murders take place, he had a rough description of the killer, but the face was not seen.

This is what he had to say... "It was late Tuesday evening when he heard the first scream, he looked out of his window as it seemed odd to hear a scream in this neighborhood, and he seen a dark figure in the dimly lighted room with what seemed to be a leg of something he wasn't sure from what, but as he told the story he knew that it was obvious that the detective knew what he meant by leg of something. He then went on to another of the brutal murders, Telling about Veronica, saying that everyone liked her, she was a sweet person and not hard to look at, Arthur was unnerved to tell about this, as he too liked this Veronica girl, She was getting ready for bed when she seemed to get a bit of a fright. I guess it was a knock on her door, she opened the door to get knocked to the ground, very frightened she backed away quite fast, as the figure tried to reach for her she scrambled off to the side and made a dash for the door, only to get caught by an ankle. She kicked out and hit the attacker with a kick to the face, to escape his grasp, she then disappeared from the room. The attacker rose to his feet holding on to the window sill to get his bearing, he looked out the window and I saw in the dim light a toothy grin, kind of sadistic. I looked down and I saw Veronica trying to slip out a window to the lattice on the side of the house, and... as his words were becoming forced, above the window she was trying to get out of was the murder weapon, he watched as she wriggled halfway out the window. That is when he made his move, he quickly ran to the other window unplugged the air conditioner and he shoved it out the window on to her while she was hanging out the window, afterwards I could still see her there in the window. When he disappeared I seen her pulled inside the house. Then about ten minutes later I saw you guys arrive on the seen, I didn't even see anybody leave the house nothing.

Continued story of boredom

2004-06-02T10:27:00.000-07:00

Alone he sits in a burnt out old shack, ravaged by fire a few years ago. The lone survivor of the Sunny Days halfway house, his name is Mark. In the wee hours of the morning he slipped into a Mac"s near the old shack to get the paper and a coffee, not having enough to buy some food. The headline read "one missing from Halfway house homicide". There was a full scale search on for him, he was a suspect in the case. He read of his only friends demise and altercation with the police. He silently wept for the ten people that shared this house, a community within a house in all actuality. They were like a family to Mark, seeing that he had no family of his own. Mark was an orphan never knowing a mother or father. Growing up alone in the world. Now knowing that his only real friend is now dead. The people he lived with all gone. The everyday life he knew is no more, He cried harder, he could not force back his tears no matter what he did, he couldn't collect his composure. Anger was his true enemy it brought out the worst in him. Anger was starting to get to him, not being able to stop the tears.

His thoughts started to swirl, he sniffled and then heard a voice " Fool, what are you crying for" Mark responded All the people I know are dead", The voice replied "So what they are only people", Mark looked around trying to figure out where the voice was coming from but there was no one there. "Where are you?" Mark demanded, " It's not of any concern to you cry baby", Mark now turning red with anger due to the insult. "Who in the hell are you?" "Show yourself" Mark screamed. All he heard was laughter, Then another voice "Don't listen to him, he is bitter" this voice calm and soothing. "the harsh voice said again " C'mon cry for me a little more" with laughter ensuing, "No do not listen to him, he just wants to upset you more" the calm voice told Mark, Another voice chimes in, this voice shrill and grating, "what would you know you are both annoying him" Leave him alone to cry". Mark sat there scared and alone hearing these voices but not seeing the people.

"I couldn't help them, I couldn't save them" mark kept telling himself, the harsh voice said "You are useless, you couldn't save them if you tried", The shrill voice replied " He is right, you know he is", as both voices chimed together "Fool, liar, murderer" Mark sat weeping, so scared looking about nervously, again came the voices "Murderer, useless, some friend". Mark screamed the voices wearing away at him, making him uneasy.
Then a completely different voice was heard, "It was me, I killed them, I watched them suffer long enough, day by day, night after night I heard them cry themselves to sleep, no one loved these people, they were stains on society, so I removed them", "I enjoyed watching your friends die, but only one got away, I really wanted to kill that one, I looked forward to it." "truthfully, he was the only one I wanted, but the screams of them all when I tried annoyed me, so I killed them as well" The stupid Cops got the other one your friend the only friend you ever knew"

Mark cried as he looked at the shell of his former self in the mirror.

A story made within boredom

2004-06-02T03:26:00.000-07:00

A man shuffles down the street dressed in blue jeans and a red sweater, he is talking to himself. Eyes shifting constantly, he keeps muttering to himself. What is he saying, why is he so upset, he sounds angry. Walking on still rambling away. He kicks at the ground now stopped and looking down shaking his head, is it worry that is creating such a distaste in him. Might he be late for work again. Seemingly lost looking around. Maybe he is lost, looking around he spots a police car. You can see the panic and fear in his face.

Within the blink of an eye he starts running scared to death, the cop flicked on the lights and siren. The pursuit is on, he is running through the yards, cutting though peoples back yards. The chase still ensues, one officer has set out on another street on foot, hoping to make his first bust since being hired. So badly does he want to apprehend the suspect. Running still barely keeping on his feet the suspect trips in one yard. He looks to see what it was he tripped on, an evil sneer spreads across his sweaty face as he picks up the metal baseball bat.

He Starts to laugh maniacally, it is quite obvious now that he is insane, paranoia has set in, he has only one thought on his mind. Hearing the approaching officer now he is cornered he can hear the squad cars brakes screeching to a halt. Trying desperately to subdue his laughter he hides under the deck, the rookie comes into the backyard. Looking about seeming confused while his back was turned the suspect slides out from the deck and with a few fast steps, smashes the rookie in the back of the head, the last thing he heard was a loud snap, he looked down at the rookie now drooling enjoying this thoroughly. Twice more the bat swung down hard.

Now satisfied with this scene he runs on coming around a corner not looking for traffic slides over the front end of a car. Slamming hard into the cement with a grunt he manages to get to his feet, The driver is now out of his car to see if he is alright to no avail for his readiness to help this so called victim, when it was he who became the victim receiving a bat to the face for his efforts.
Trying to get back into his car he was just barely half way through the door when it slammed repeatedly on him. Laughing the Suspect runs away only to meet another cop at the corner, the tears are welling in the officer's eyes he found his rookie partner dead at the scene, He yells at the man to drop his weapon and to get on the ground. The man smiles and laughs, he then threw the bat at the cop. Who in turn opened fire. BANG BANG BANG.

Lying there taking in his last breaths, he once again smiles and in his dying breaths he laughed un til he choked. Then it was over everything went black.

The next day the paper read " Mysterious serial killer slain". He apparently had killed all of his room mates in the halfway house he lived in. but one of the others was also missing, what has happened to him? Missing without a trace.

Oblivious Everyday

2004-06-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

Here I am sitting comfortably in my nook away from the eyes of the public. Watching the people driving their cars, chatting away to the passengers, or they are singing to the stereo. A curious site this always is, wondering what they talk about.
what are they singing? It is so hard to tell, you hear the base thumping, the windows shake to it, hearing vibrations resonating within the car, some just sit and seem dazed lost in thought.

What is it about people that make them so interesting, is it just the human nature to be curious, it almost makes me feel like a child again, the simplest thing I am finding amusing, people know they are being watched and they get nervous.
Looking around squinting their eyes trying to peer through the dark.
But they still cannot see me, from the place I hide, my little nook in the streets.

Almost a safe haven for when I seek solitude, seeing the people, bopping to the music, hearing the hoots and hollers of the kids all around me.
I take comfort that there are still some things that make me smile, not as often as they should but there will be the day my day to emerge from the shadows and rejoin the society I have learned to forget. It can be a harsh world, but in watching it I am also learning from it. I maybe down but I am still here.